This is a post which is both personal and emotional, my heart on a page …its strange but I feel need to write it for reasons of sanity. Maybe because the precarious incompatible lives I lead tear at my mind and soul, each wanting to be dominant. Its hard to talk about – even to those closest to me – weirdly, writing it down feels easier.

Due to a chance of birth, I have every life choice afforded to a person. I appreciate this and must treasure it (history suggests) it may not last forever. One part of me knows that I must not waste these opportunities, I must continue with my career, friendships and family life – the first embodiment of my incompatible lives is one of; security, a passport, hot showers, central heating, good food, hard work, career and my beautiful family who are safe and thriving. This life must be cherished – it is a life many of my friends are striving towards – are dreaming about – are making insanely dangerous journeys to achieve… Of course, many were also born to lives of opportunity, and were successful in their countries – working, studying, raising families just like mine. But due a myriad of reasons, mainly, political instability and war .. they made the decision to abandon these lives and seek safety elsewhere.

I think about what I have learnt during my (nearly 4 years) volunteering. About the talented people I have met about the borders and divisions we have smashed and the friendships we have fostered. They have taught me a lot about humanity and resilience. I think about the continuing challenges they face just for basic human rights.
Hundreds of people arrive every day on the Greek islands from Turkey, taken to camps already way over capacity. They live with their children in conditions which are tantamount to torture. They are stripped of their human rights and given a number – these are concentration camps designed to kill from the inside, to destroy hope and spirit.

(Photos courtesy of Ruhi Loren)

I have a connection with the island of Chios (photos above Oct 19), having volunteered a number of times over the last 2 years. Now there are families sleeping in the park, in the street – with no money for food and no shelter. This sends my mind spinning out of control, this is the embodiment of my other incompatible life. Because my eyes are open, I cannot claim ignorance, and as a human, for a short time on this planet – what should I be doing right now?

I imagine preparing for Christmas, the decorations, the food, the alcohol, the presents and I feel sick. If you have watched ‘The Hunger Games’ I feel like one of the people in ‘The Capitol’, indulging whist The Districts starve.

Next week I will return to teaching and my work will become all encompassing yet again. I will be immersed in work and family life. In many ways my tired mind welcomes this. It’s easier when one of my incompatible lives are dominant.. The difficulty, mentally, comes from the 2 lives fighting each other, neither wins and you are left with a mind like a bowl of spaghetti.

I reflect .. maybe this is one reason I need to volunteer .. when you’re ‘on the ground’ – it’s all encompassing, your ‘other life’ fades as you focus on the immediacy of the situation. The inner fighting is quashed for a time.. bringing clarity and purpose.