Look into my eyes whilst you tell me no……

Part of volunteering is saying “no” to people, this is undoubtedly the hardest part. Sometimes you feel justified in saying “no”, and sometimes your decision to stick to “no” haunts you, maybe forever… I don’t know.

At the last distribution, Area C (mainly tented area hosting a majority of African families) was missed. As I wrote in an earlier blog, the distribution did not go according to plan, it is so difficult to know who has what, and who lives where, as the police will not allow volunteers into the camp. The people in the tents have an even harder time than those in the containers, at the mercy of the weather – torrential rain which soaks their belongings followed by scorching heat, these families have a tough time.

When the rains came for 2 days last week

When all your belongings are soaked in mud and rain

So yesterday, my last full day on Chios, we planned another distribution to Area C. We learnt from our previous mistakes: parked away from the FEOX van – to avoid confusion and split the teams, gave vests for the team of 5 to wear – so people knew they were distributing and used the African residents from Area C as the team (as Africans would be the main recipients).

This second distribution was much improved, there was considerably less tension, but there were still problems. One man in particular, stood by the car demanding to be given a bag. This man is well known for this behaviour, I felt quite confident in smiling, being polite and telling him firmly that he got a bag last week, this distribution was for the people who received nothing. I looked in his eyes and told him clearly and firmly .. “no”.

My reasons for saying “no” were translated by my good friend and ‘adopted son’; (let’s call him Joe), but he was not deterred. The man shouted and pointed, making Joe quite angry, it seems he was saying some quite threatening things about me and about damaging the car. I can say with complete honesty that at no point was I worried about this man. I knew it was a show, he had no intention of carrying out any threats, he wanted to cause trouble and was prepared to get the police to stop the distribution if he didn’t get the bag he wanted.  I felt safe with the other residents of the camp, there to tell the man to be quiet and go away.  Joe however did not share my calm, he is young and has had an incredibly tough life, living in Vial does not help a person develop a relaxed outlook.

With Joe translating, a tall, stately man from Syria apologised for the man’s behaviour. He thanked us over and over again for our help. The angry man was then frog marched away by a couple of Arabic men, apologising for him as they went. I can understand that Vial can make a person crazy.

A few other people came asking for bags, I explained through Joe that, “no” bags would given from the car, and only given today to Area C. Mostly, this was OK with a few grumblings. I understand this, the food in Vial is truly terrible, so fresh vegetables, spices, tea and dried foods are in much demand.

During the times when the Team were away delivering, women would come to the car and ask me to write their needs for clothes. I had to say “no”, I knew that the next day I and other volunteers were leaving. Already there were around 50 bags for distribution the next day. I could n’t take orders when I was leaving and unable to fulfill promises. The FEOX team already had work to catch up on. I am now haunted by one woman I said “no” to, I regret it so much. She asked to register I clothes, I was busy with the shouting man and getting the food out. I said I couldn’t take her order today as today was food and clothes distribution. Tomorrow FEOX would take orders. She looked and me, I can see the desperation and quiet pleading now, clearer than I did at the time. She told me her belongings had got wet in the rain, she was living in a tent with her family. I looked into her eyes as I told her “no”, now this decision to say “no” haunts me and I will never forget her eyes, why didn’t I just take the order, I could of done that.

The police came along to see what was happening, luckily they did not stop the distribution, but they asked us to make it quick. The men in the distribution had to walk quite a long way in the heat, carrying heavy bags. They were tired and sweating, back and forth to the car.

Eventually, there were only about 5 bags left. Then the police came over and told us we had to leave – time was up. They said either give the bags to some families waiting around the car or take them away. Obviously, we didn’t want to take them away, these families had tiny babies with them and young children.

Before the Team got back, I moved the car away to the car park as instructed by the police. We readied to leave when one of the Team came to car. With a look of devastation, he said, “my family didn’t get any food, are there any bags left”. I was shocked, “no” I said, “I am so sorry”. I looked into his eyes as he said “sorry, really??”. I told him I leave for England tomorrow, so I couldn’t promise anything (I never promise). He quietly accepted this and shook my hand, saying goodbye.

Actually, all of the men in the distribution did not take a pack for themselves and their families. They had worked so hard to complete the food distribution, sweating in the heat, thirsty and hot. This compassion, empathy and work had now resulted in their families losing out on a food pack. I wondered what their wives would say, them returning with nothing.

I couldn’t sleep, thinking about this “no”, how unfair, how could the members of the Team help with such selflessness and enthusiasm again if their families suffered as a result ? I knew I had to make time the next morning to get to Lidl and buy some food for the Team. I bought the food and it in black trash bags and parked at Vial further down the road, this way the food could be taken in without people noticing.

I got the food to the Team, this was one “no” that needn’t haunt me

Solidarity X